Beyond Classroom Conflict

Tips to help parents break down conflicts at home.

nancy — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 04:09:35 +0000

The holiday season adds stress to many families. Conflicts may seem more prevalent than usual. There are ways your family can prevent conflict from the inside out by targeting the building blocks of your conflict.
Selfishness may be a foundation upon which conflict is built. Children tend to be self-centered so naturally the focus of the holiday season will be inward. This may lead to conflict if your child does not feel catered to or feels desires are left unfulfilled. Try these ideas as a way to chip away at the selfish nature and help your child to look toward others.
Buy one canned food item to donate when grocery shopping. Many stores have a box where food items can be donated to a local food outreach. This will demonstrate to your child that while you are providing for your family, you are also aware of the needs of others in the community.
Help your child send a Christmas card to someone who is housebound. Choose an older relative or friend who will appreciate contact from your child. Remind them during the process of how this is reaching out to someone who is cannot get around easily and will enjoy hearing from him or her.
Give a gift as a family. Donate one toy as a family to a toy drive. Involve your child in choosing the gift. Talk about why someone else needs your family to help with their Christmas. Help your child imagine the joy the child will feel when receiving this gift.
Make a list of kind words your child can use during the holiday season. “Can I help you?” “Thank you.” “I like it when you do that for me.” Using appreciative language can turn your child’s tone into one of thankfulness and appreciation.
Simple, inexpensive gestures can show your child how to reach out to others. This can begin to expand your child’s view of the world. He may begin to see that there is a community beyond your home and he can make a positive influence even as a child. This will remove a building block to conflict and instead help your child move toward peace.

Win-Win Solution

nancy — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:47:30 +0000

A goal in mediation is a Win-Win solution. At a conference in North Carolina, one teacher asked, “Do I want both children to win? What if one had very inappropriate behavior?”
I began to think about this issue. My answer was, “We want both children to be successful in school. In conflict, one child is often removed, literally or figuratively, from the group. Instead, we can seek for a way to return both children to the group.” The child may still have consequences. He may have a short term removal. A solution, however, that will allow for both children to remain part of the social structure of the group is a Win-Win situation.

Expecting more from four year olds

nancy — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 02:13:58 +0000

Do we expect four year olds to behave better than adults? This is a question I have thought about because of our social expectations of children. We expect children to be in a classroom without bothering one another. However, I once was called to a daycare center to create a dispute system for preschool teachers because they could not cooperate with one another. We tell students to talk about their issues when they are playing and yet I rarely express my opinions to my friends. Instead of having such high expectations, we need to understand the limitations of children. When we have realistic expectations, we can plan how to guide children to positive interactions and resolution. At the same time, maybe we can learn how to act as adults as well.